How Much Is Happy For
by aDeeperShadeOfBlack
Summary: She went after him, not realizing that she had known it all along, he cheats, now sitting in a bar she meets an old flame....Read and Review.. COMPLETE
1. Crimson tears

**A/N: Wow okay another one…I will try to keep updating all of these…this idea popped at me in my sleep…I hope you like it……LIT….Oh Yeah…I don't own Gilmore Girls or the Cassie Steele Song.**

She sat at the bar staring at the stools they had just left. Her own husband took a trip to New York for 'business.' Of course she got suspicious and came to a hotel. She went to a club and saw Logan sitting with a blonde hair girl. She walked in hiding her face and sitting in the back. She watched them laugh and kiss. She was disgusted.

"Another?" The bartender asked her. Rory nodded asked the girl poured her another drink. Rory took a sip. She contemplated everything that had happened. She had fallen under his spell. He would be doing this all his life just like his dad, a playboy. She watched a three guys walk in.

"Come on, it's your birthday man," A guy said.

"I'm seriously going to sue your asses, I have a lot of work, and I have a new case to work on," Another guy said. Rory rolled her eyes. Her heart stopped she knew that voice.

"Lighten up Jess, a night or alcohol and hot girls is all you need," Rory knew what she needed to do. She needed to get back at Logan. She let her hair down letting her bangs fall in her. Then she took the sunglasses off.

"Bartender, three beers," Jess said.

"What do we have here," One of Jess's friends said coming up to her.

"All alone little girl?" The guy asked.

"Strike one, bad flirting, Strike two, I'm not little," Rory smiled.

"Feisty one," The guy laughed.

"Strike Three, false assumptions, you're out," She said turning away from him.

"Adam stop hitting on girls, you're engaged remember?" Jess said coming up.

"Oh come on, you try, she's looks like your type," Adam whispered but Rory heard.

"Miss, I'm sorry to interrupt, sorry if he's troubling you," Jess said. Rory was scared to turn around.

"Hi Jess," She said turning around.

"Rory,"

"How are you?"

"Good, I'm good, actually I'm great," He smiled.

"That's good, I mean great, I mean,"

"Yeah I get it, so you're um married?"

"Wait how did you.."

"The ring on your finger, damn it's huge," He pointed. She nodded. Adam and Jess's other's friend came up to him.

"Jess, here is you beer," His other friend passed him a bottle.

"Rory this is Adam and John, Guys this is an old friend Rory," Rory practically choked on her drink. _Friend, What the hell? She thought. _

"So Jess, Adam and I spotted a group of three hot girls over there," John pointed to a group of girls who all had short skirts and belly shirts. Rory rolled her eyes.

"I'll pass, we're going to catch up," Jess looked her. John and Adam went off leaving them alone.

"So um happy birthday," Rory smiled.

"Thanks," Jess looked down at the ground.

"Wow this is awkward,"

"Yeah,"

"What is it you seemed to know how to have complete sentences until I start talking to you,"

"Look Rory, last time I saw you, you told me to leave, I poured my heart out to you and you shut the door into my face,"

"You hurt me, You left without telling me, I didn't want you to hurt me again," She looked at everyone dancing. A slow song came on

"I'm sorry," He finished his beer.

"Look it's your birthday, do you want to dance?" Rory asked him.

"What?" He was taken aback.

"I don't have a birthday present for you, so do you want to dance?" She took his hand and led him to the dance floor. He placed his hands around his waist and her arms slid around his neck. She closed her eyes taking in the moment.

_So the mourning after heartbreak got me tearstained _

_  
And all my cries have hurt my sides in losing you pain_

_  
All these bruises and misuses will become scars_

_  
Just a norm for tragic born with all their broken hearts_

_  
I'm losing grip_

_  
Only holding on by finger tips  
_

"What are you thinking about?" He whispered sending chills down her spin.

"The Prom,"

_Cry crimson tears without you_

_  
Cry crimson tears without you_

_  
Cry crimson tears without you_

_  
Crimson tears  
_

"Sorry I couldn't take you,"

"Yeah me too,"

_So the morning before heartbreak has not yet broke_

_  
But my heart bleeds through my flesh in crimson I soak_

_  
All this pain corrupts my soul discolored within_

_  
All the crimson is my prison formed from tainted skin_

"Close your eyes Rory, pretend this is the prom," Jess whispered. Rory obeyed. When the song ended she opened her eyes and for a minute felt like she was 17 again. He leaned in and she thought he was going to kiss her but instead he whispered, "We're not 17 again Rory, you're married."

"But can't we be 17 just for this one night," Rory asked breathing in his smell.

"It's been nice seeing you Rory. We should hang out again sometime," Jess gave her his business card. She stared at him as he walked out.

_  
I'm losing grip_

_  
Only holding on by finger tips_

__

Cry crimson tears without you

_  
Cry crimson tears without you_

_  
Cry crimson tears without you_

_  
Crimson tears_

**A/N: Read and Review**


	2. A Sinner's Prayer

He sat at his house thinking about what had happened three weekends ago. He took a beer out of the fridge and made his way over to the couch. His German Sheppard jumped up beside him. He turned on the TV. She hadn't called him. She was probably off with her husband. Not that it mattered to him or did it? He picked up the phone and started dialing the familiar digits his hands fumbled as he pushed the last number.

_Ring_

_Ring_

"Hello?" A groggy voice answered.

"Um, Rory Gilmore please," He ran his hands through his hair.

"Who is this?" Lorelai's voice suddenly had a bitter sound.

"A friend," Jess said trying to disguise his voice.

"I'm sorry Rory doesn't belong to this house anymore," Lorelai snapped and hung up. Jess stared at the phone wondering what happened.

"What happened Dodger?" He asked his dog who was growling as the door. Jess opened the door. He saw a sliver Mercedes parked outside. Then he saw her. She opened the door of her car tripping in the process. Her heel snapped.

"Shit," She screamed. Jess smirked. She looked like she had just come from a party. In a blue halter neck dress and her hair was in a messy bun. Her mascara was smudged and it looked like she had been crying. She looked up and saw him standing there.

"Do you have glue?" She asked quietly. He nodded and let her into his house.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Jess asked leading her to the kitchen. He opened a draw and pulled out super glue.

"I'm good," She smiled lightly. She glued her shoe back together.

"You don't look so good," He took a bowl and filled it up with water. He set it down on the ground for his dog.

"So do you um live alone?" She asked sitting down and petting the dog.

"Yeah," He stared at her.

"So, you're probably wondering one how I found where you live and two why I'm here right?" She stated. He nodded. "Well see on the card it said you were a lawyer and see I typed your number in google and found out where you lived and I didn't know when to see you and see I was in New York this weekend because Logan has some party with the company and I don't know we kind of fought but not really and I screamed I needed some time to think and here I am."

"You're here to think?"

"Kind of and you said we should hang out sometime and I thought we could go for coffee or something," Rory said.

"Sure, I know a place but you can't wear that," Jess smiled. He walked into his room and looked through his clothes and threw her a Ramones shirt.

"I don't have anything to wear on the bottom," She said. He passed her scissors.

"Cut the top part of your dress off," he said.

"This is a $300 dress," She looked at him in disbelief.

"Logan can buy you another," Jess shrugged. She walked into the bathroom and took off her dress. She cut the top part off and pulled it up as a skirt. She put the shirt on and looked in the mirror. It was too long of a shirt. She grinned and took the scissors and cut the shirt some on the bottom and the sleeves. She washed the smudged makeup off and took Jess's comb and brushed her hair. She opened the door and stepped out. Jess stared at her and narrowed his eyes.

"You cut my shirt,"

"Sorry about that, I'm sure you can buy another,"

"But it was a vintage Ramones shirt from the 80s, come on," Jess frowned.

"Uh Huh, so where are we going?" She asked as he looked at his watch.

"Look it's my friends' engagement party and I anyways was going to leave tonight so I'm taking you with me?"

"That dress was fine to wear to an engagement party,"

"Not Adam's, the guy who hit on you at the bar,"

"Oh," She followed him outside. He opened the car door and she climbed in.

"So um I called your house," Jess said.

"YOU CALLED MY HOUSE, God, my mom and I aren't close anymore okay, we got into a huge fight about Yale and we talk once in awhile but there is tension and I haven't been back to Stars Hollow since um I told mom I was getting engaged,"

"Wow, I thought you guys would be best friends forever,"

"Well we weren't, keep your eyes on the road, I'm not breaking my arm again," Rory said bitterly. Jess smirked.

"You mean like this," Jess ran a red light a little making her jump.

"Stop that," Rory shocked. Jess stopped in front of a house which loud music was coming out of.

"Here we are," Jess opened the car door and walked up to door. He stared at Rory beside me and then opened the door. They made their way through the house until they reached the kitchen.

"Jess, Man, what is up?" Adam said coming up to him. He passed Jess a beer.

"Adam you remember Rory?" Jess asked.

"Oh yeah the 'friend'," He smiled.

"Come on," Jess whispered in Rory's ear. He led here to a room. It had a bolt on it. Jess took out a key from his pocket and opened the door. There were three couches, a desk, and books everywhere.

"Wow," She breathed out.

"Adam is a psycho, he was diagnosed with some disorder in his brain and he just sits in here and writes, I've read some of his stuff, he always writes but never publishes," Jess said picking a book off a shelf and handing it to Rory. "Take this one, it's one of his best, just return it to me after you're done," Jess said.

"It's already written in," Rory flipped through the books recognizing the handwriting.

"Yeah, I use to be is room mate and everything he wrote I read, well almost everything," Jess smirked.

"So tell me, Mr. Mariano, why a lawyer, don't they have to talk a lot?" Rory asked putting the book down.

"Tell me Rory, why did you drop out of Yale?" Jess asked plopping himself on a couch.

"Wait, how'd you know….?"

"I talk to Luke,"

"Oh,"

"Rory, I missed you" Jess stared deep into her eyes.

"I did too, I mean you were great, you had the same taste in books and music and if I remember not a bad kisser," Rory smiled.

_Mother help me find my way_

_  
Will temptations sway my faith_

_  
My beliefs of purity_

_  
Are corrupted by insanity  
_

"Really, I don't remember if you were a good kisser or not," Jess asked smirking.

_Dying with despair_

_  
God do you care_

_  
Of a sinner's prayer_

"Let me remind you," Rory smirked back and leaned in and kissed him.

_Let her rip with finger tips_

_  
Let her strip me with a kiss_

_  
Grab my hips and let her rip_

Jess fell in love with her all over again. This time she was seductive and daring. Even though he missed the old shy and sweet Rory, he could get used to this.

_Father guide me when I pray_

_  
Show me where to turn when I stray_

_  
Tempting immaculate_

_  
Such thoughts of sin are rewarded in death_

Rory felt the warmth of his body as they kissed. She wanted him to be hers again. She wanted to feel love not money. She didn't want him to go again. She knew this was cheating. She knew she was married, but for one second she wanted to forget all that and just be with Jess.

_Dying with despair_

_  
God do you care_

_  
Of a sinner's prayer_

"Rory, you're married," Jess said pulling away.

_Let her rip with finger tips_

_  
Let her strip me with a kiss_

_  
Grab my hips and let her rip_

"Not when I'm with you, I want to be 17 again when I'm with you," Rory smiled. He pushed her on the couch as they went on to more adult activates.

_Let her rip for all see_

_  
Let her course inside of me_

_  
Let this sin fulfill my need_

_  
Let her rip with finger tips_

_  
Let her strip me with a kiss_

_Grab my hips and let her rip_

**A/N: Read and Review…maybe I should go up to M…not sure…hope you like….all songs belong to Cassie Steele...**


	3. Jaded

One month later

Jess opened his eyes and saw Rory laying beside him. He smiled and ran his hands through her hair.

"Rory, wake up," Jess lightly shook her. This affair had been going on for a month now. She told Logan that Friday nights and Wednesday nights she had a creative writing program she goes to and instead she goes to see Jess. They talk, read, listen to music, kiss, basically they'd just have fun.

"Jess?" She opened her eyes and smiled. She looked at the time and got up. She brushed her hair and started to apply her makeup.

"Rory, I love you but we can't do this anymore,"

"Do what?" Rory asked with innocence in her eyes.

"The cheating, the lies, it's all going to catch up with us," Jess said. Rory had now stopped getting ready and stared at Jess.

"So you don't want to see me anymore?" Rory asked.

"Rory wait I didn't…"

"Or did you find someone else?"

"Rory, no I ha…"

"Do you not love me?" Rory asked now with tears in her eyes.

"Shhh," Jess put his hand on her mouth. "I love you, I want to see you, and there is no one else for me, but Rory you're married, you have someone else,"

"I'm going to be late," Rory said ignoring what he had just said. She got up and kissed him softly on the lips.

"Yeah, see you on Friday," Jess watched her get into her car and drive off.

He walked out of the house and decided to go to a music store. He got into the subway waiting for his stop.

"Leave me alone Jake," A girl shouted entering the subway. A guy who had piercing everywhere came in running after her.

"Come on Nikki, why are you being like this," He asked. She took a seat across from Jess.

"Why am I being like this? You slept with her, my best friend, leave me alone, we're over," She said letting her black hair fall in her face.

"We're not done," He screamed. Finally Jess couldn't take it anymore. Once the subway stopped he got up and pushed the guy out.

"You are done," Jess screamed at the guy. He sat down beside the girl who was now looking at her shoes.

"Thanks," She said softly.

"No problem, I'm Jess Mariano,"

"Nikki Scott," She smiled and looked up. Jess sighed. She had piercing blue eyes just like Rory.

"So, this is my stop," They both said at the same time getting up. She laughed.

"So um for saving me from my creep ex-boyfriend the least I can do is buy you a coffee," She said. Jess stopped in his tracks. He was being asked on a date.

"Sure coffee's good," He said.

"So Mariano, what do you do?"

"I'm a lawyer,"

"Big shot huh?"

"Pretty much, how about you?"

"Not as big, I own a small record store," She said walking into a coffee shop. Jess followed her in and sat beside her.

"So Mariano, how does it feel like to defend people?" She asked.

"Okay I guess, it pays the bills, keeps me busy,"

"You don't seem like the lawyer type,"

"You can't judge a book by its cover,"

"Oh yeah you can, first off you can tell by the title and author whether is looks like a good book, then you look at the picture and if it intrigues you, you read the back. Never say you can't judge a book by its cover because you can," She smiled.

"So tell me something, what type am I?" Jess asked her.

"Maybe a writer or editor, you're are holding onto a girl but need to let go, and you are defiantly a rebel in the heart," She nonchalantly said. Jess mouth dropped.

"How did you..,"

"First I'm not physic, second a writer or editor came from the book in your pocket, the girl came from your face when I asked you to coffee, and rebel you can tell from the way you have that dangerous look in your eyes," She called the waiter over towards them and then ordered coffee. They talked for hours and hours, until he said he would stop by her shop after work.

Friday

Rory walked down the street looking around her. She had just broken it off with Logan and wanted to tell Jess. She walked up to a house and knocked on the door. Someone grabbed her hand and pulled her in.

"Jesus Jess," She said tripping over her foot.

"We need to talk," He looked down at the ground.

_Isn't it cold outside?_

_  
When it feel like no ones loving you_

_  
But I'm watching you_

_  
And I'll never hold you down_

_  
And they say_

_  
That souls can never fade_

_  
But along the way _

_  
It seem your shadow was erased_

"Ok, so talk, I have to talk to you too," Rory sat down on the couch.

"Look Rory we've been doing this thing for awhile right?"

"Yeah,"

"And, I can't do it, I think we need to stop seeing each other, I mean for gods sake Rory you're married," Jess screamed. Rory eyes were watering.

"You don't want to see me anymore,"

"God, Rory, you didn't expect this to go on forever did you?"

"Well…"

"I met someone, and we're going to go out on a date tomorrow, and I think we need to stop this lying," Jess said. Rory got up and walked out of the door. Jess followed her. "Rory, you were my first love but I need to let go," He screamed. Rory stopped and turned around. She pulled out a folder and threw it at him. Paper went flying everywhere as she started to walk back to the bus stop. Jess picked up some of the sheets and sighed. They were divorce papers. He went back into his house and threw the papers down on the table. His phone rang.

_Life is jaded, love had faded_

_  
Let me take you away from here oh_

_  
Let me kiss you, they won't miss you_

_  
Let me lift you away from here_

"Where are you?"

"At home,"

"How long till you can get to 51st and 14th," Nikki asked.

"Um 20 minutes,"

"Ok, dress smart casual,"

"Wait what is smar…?"

"Bye Mariano," She hung up. Jess put on a leather jacket, stuck a book in his pocket and walked up to his car. He drove up to 51st and 14th. He got out his cell and called Nikki.

"I'm outside the Starbucks," She said into the phone and then hanging up. Jess smirked and walked up to the coffee shop and saw her sitting drinking a coffee. He slid in the seat across from her.

"So why did I have to dress smart casual, whatever that is?" He asked her.

"Come on, I know an great place we can hang out, and I wanted you to dress smart casual because I felt like it," Nikki got up and started walking into an alley. They came to a ladder attached to a wall. She started to climb it and Jess followed.

"Don't fall and don't look down," She screamed at him. He looked down and sighed, they had climbed a lot. They finally reached the top. It was breezy and cool, you could see a lot of New York.

"This is my favorite spot in all of New York," She smiled and looked over at Jess.

"Yeah, I can see why," Jess put his arm around her. He couldn't stop thinking about Rory.

_Aren't you paranoid?_

_  
When it feels like someone's watching you?_

_  
But I'm protecting you_

_  
And you need not be afraid_

_  
And they said_

_  
To follow voices in your head_

_  
And that's where I fed_

_  
My soul when I was dead_

Rory sat at the bridge wondering what had she done. She had two guys now only has one. Her phone started to ring.

"Hello,"

"Rory Gilmore?"

"Yeah?"

"This is Laura from the New York Times, you gave us your resume a couple of weeks ago and we have an offering for you,"

"Really?" Rory asked sitting up.

"Rory, this is the New York Times, we don't joke, we have a book opinion section, it's not that big but you could work your way up to the top,"

"I'd love to do it, I love to read so it would be perfect," Rory said forgetting her problems.

"Okay, you can start a week from this Monday," Laura said. Rory smiled thinking about the new job.

_Life is jaded, love had faded_

_  
Let me take you away from here oh_

_  
Let me kiss you, they won't miss you_

_  
Let me lift you away from here_

**A/N: So how to do you like it? Sorry for not updating…Our internet wasn't working… So read and review please…..I will try to update but now I have a lot going on….so press the little button that says Submit Review…..LOVE Y'ALL**


	4. Fantasy

**6 months later**

She walked through her apartment with a cup of coffee in her hands. She had been a journalist for awhile. She plopped on the couch and opened a book. She was supposed to read it and review it by next week. The divorce was finally over; it had cost her a good deal of money. But it wasn't Logan she was missing, it was Jess. She looked at the time and sighed, it was 7:00 pm on a Saturday and she had nothing to do. She picked up her phone and dialed a number.

"Mom?"

"Rory, My love, how are you?" Lorelai said. Rory smiled, ever since her divorce and what happened with Jess, Rory had made up with her mom.

"It's a Saturday night and I have nothing to do," Rory pouted.

"Oh, Honey, I'm sorry, go out for coffee, or maybe go out to a party or club. I would come down there but Luke and I are going to go to the winter carnival tonight," Lorelai said. Rory sighed as she remembered the last time she went to the carnival with Jess.

"I guess I'll do something, our receptionist at work said something about a party tonight for the newspaper, maybe I could go,"

"Yes, that's the spirit, wear your pretty black dress if its formal and if it's semi-causal wear your skirt and top, and if it's causal wear jeans and that blue tank top,"

"I love the way you think,"

"Okay, well I have to go with Lukie, and after the carnival, we'll have some alone time,"

"Dirty," Rory whispered as her mom laughed and hung up. Rory got out off the couch and walked towards her closet. She didn't know anything about the party or if it was formal or not. She decided to call someone from work. She got out her phonebook and looked through it. She dialed a number and waited as it rang.

"Hello?" A ladies voice asked.

"Hey Laura, this is Rory," Rory said. Laura was her editor and the nicest person on the paper she knew.

"Oh hey, how's the article coming along?"

"Good, look you know tonight's party for the paper, what are the details,"

"Hun, you never go to the parties,"

"Yeah but I decided to stop sulking and try it out,"

"Oh ok, well it's at the Hilton Hotel on 51st and 19th and it starts at 9:00,"

"Is it formal or casual or what,"

"Formal yet not to formal, so maybe a nice dress,"

"Okay, thanks, oh and the article, I'm almost done with the book so it'll be done by Wednesday,"

"Great, see you tonight sweetie," Laura said hanging up.

----------------------------------------------

Rory parked the car and walked into the Hilton. It was decorated beautifully. She looked at the time, 9:30, not bad. The place was packed and people were dancing and talking.

"Rory, Hun, glad you could make it, love the dress," Laura shouted.

"Hey Laura," Rory said.

"Look at that guy over there, he is the new owner of a publishing company, he does a lot of things for our paper, word has it he is newly divorced," Laura said nudging Rory and walking away. Rory just sat there staring at her ex husband talking to a group of people. He had a red head girl on his arm. Rory tried to get away but Logan had spotted her.

"Rory?" He said walking over to her with the red head still around him.

"Logan, wow, it's been months,"

"Yeah it has,"

"So how have you been?" Rory asked him trying to sound nonchalant.

"Good, it's been good,"

"You were always modest Logan," Rory smirked.

"But I was always great right?" He asked.

"I'll see you around Logan," Rory said walking towards the bar. She sat down and took deep breaths. She should have won an Oscar for that acting out there.

"Margarita, lots of tequila please," Rory asked the guy. He nodded and gave it to her. She took a deep breath. This was going to be a long night.

An Hour Later

Rory was seriously now drunk. Laura went onto the stage smiling.

"Hello everyone and thank you for coming out to our party, I'm Laura the editor of the entertainment section, so anyways, I would like to welcome a sort of new additon, Rory Gilmore, come on up here,"

Rory's head shot up. She walked towards the stage tripping a little in the process. She got on stage and stared into the audience. She saw him, brown eyes staring up at her. There was pretty girl holding his hand. She had black hair with red highlights throughout them. She squinted to see him. He was staring right up at her. He realized she was drunk.

"Thank you," She slurred. "Thank you all, I really love being on the New York Times, and I just wanted to say that I wouldn't have even thought about this job if it wasn't for one person, Jess Mariano. I'm sorry Jess, I let you down, I really did love you, wait that's a lie, I love you and always will. I never meant for us to end up like this, all in a mess," Rory slurred. She lost sight of him in the crowd. She felt someone grab her arm and pull her off stage. She looked up and saw him staring at her with big brown eyes.

_You want something I can't give_

_  
You wanna life that I can't live_

_  
You need anything but me_

_  
Baby_

_  
You want commitment but I don't_

_  
I say I will but boy I won't_

_I don't have time to spend forever_

"Jess, Leave me alone," She said pushing him but he was too strong. He pushed her into the family restroom. She sat on the floor staring up at him like a little girl. She suddenly felt like she was going to throw up. She vomited in the toilet. Jess held her hair back as she did.

"Don't you just love parties?" He asked sarcastically.

"I do, I really do," She said before she threw up again. Jess sighed.

"God Rory," Jess sighed and looked at her.

"Jess what are you doing here?"

"My girlfriend's best friend works on the New York Times,"

_Baby, oh you make me sick_

_  
Why can't you accept it?_

_  
You've made an image who you think is me_

_  
It's so much harder then you know_

_  
Letting you go_

"God, Jess, LEAVE ME ALONE, why are you appearing in my life at random times, you told me that you found someone else,"

"Rory you want me to leave you alone then okay I will," Jess got up and walked out of the restroom. Rory started to cry, he was only trying to help her.

_Look behind my face_

_  
Can you still see me? _

_  
Or am I gone, just a fantasy?_

_  
I look into your eyes_

_  
Grows insanity_

_  
Oh are you searching' for that fantasy?_

"Shit," She got up and ran outside after him. She saw him arguing with a girl. Eavesdropping wasn't something she would like to do regularly but this time she did.

"Nikki, she was my ex-girlfriend and was about to probably do something stupid up there, I had to stop her,"

"Jess, you didn't have to go after she and stay with her in the bathroom as she threw up,"

"Nikki you're being impossible, I love you and you know it,"

"I'll see you tomorrow, I need a couple of hours before we get into this," She walked away from him. Jess sighed and turned around staring right at Rory.

"How much of that did you hear?" He sternly asked.

"Not a lot," Rory said. She just then cracked. Everything that had happened to her since she married Logan hit her like a school bus. She felt Jess touch her arm but she flinched and pulled it away. Logan never loved her, Jess never loved her, and she was just plain unloved.

_You say its me but its just her  
_

_You don't accept me and it hurts  
_

_You avoid the real me  
_

_Baby  
_

_I'm better off just by myself  
_

_I don't need anybody else  
_

_Stop playing mind games_

"Rory, look I'll drive you home, you can't drive like this," Jess said.

"Leave me alone Jess," Rory said jerking through the crowd. Jess followed her.

"Rory, I can't let you drive drunk, you have to take a cab or let me drive you. Do you want to die?"

"Maybe I do Jess, what I do doesn't involve you anymore," She slurred out as she walked into the parking lot. She found her car and searched her bag for keys. She finally broke down and cried.

_Baby, oh you make me sick  
_

_Why can't you accept it?  
_

_You've made an image who you think is me  
_

_It's so much harder then you know  
_

_Letting you go  
_

"Rory, its okay, come here," Jess said hugging her. Rory buried her face into his chest and he gently stroked her hair. Jess took sat Rory in the passenger seat of the car and took the keys from her hand.

_  
Look behind my face  
_

_Can you still see me?  
_

_Or am I gone, just a fantasy?  
_

_I look into your eyes  
_

_Grows insanity  
_

_Oh are you searching' for that fantasy?_

**A/N: Okay please review: next chapter will be better….i'm tired and I have finals coming up so sorry for the grammatical mistakes…if you review you will ace your finals….hopefully I will too….**


	5. Love Cost

Rory woke up the next morning with her head pounding. She looked at her surroundings. She was in Jess's house. Everything that happened last night hit her. She looked down. She still had her dress on and her shoes, jacket, and purse were in a neat pile at the end of the bed. She took her jacket and put it on. She walked over to the door and creaked it open. There was a group of voices coming from the kitchen.

"Jess, this is a big step, you love her, that's like, wow," A guy's voice said.

"I do love her, but there is something else that's bothering me," Jess whispered.

"What?"

"Another girl,"

"Holy crap, you've got two girls in love with you,"

"Shut up, I'm not sure if Nikki even loves me," Jess punched couch.

"She loves you man and guess what, I think you should tell her that, although she isn't like that hot chick you brought to my party, she's still hot,"

"Look Adam, I don't think I should do this, what if she turns me down," Jess asked.

"Why would any girl not want to marry Jess Mariano and become Mrs. Mariano,"

"Shut up, I mean I loved this other girl, but she's just becoming something that I never knew she could become,"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Adam asked him.

"She's getting drunk, depressive, ect. ect," Jess said. Rory couldn't take it anymore. She put on her shoes, grabbed her purse, opened the window, and jumped out. She walked over to the front yard and saw her car parked. She opened her purse and took out her keys. A feeling of guilt ran through her but she shook it off. She drove off leaving the man that she loved behind.

----------------------------------------------------

Jess sat across from Nikki at dinner. He didn't know what was wrong with him. But the next thing he knew was he was down on the ground, kneeling. Nikki's eyes widened.

"Jess, what are you doing Jess?" She asked. She covered her mouth.

"Nikki Scott, will you marry me?"

"Oh my god, yes Jess, I will," She screamed making half of the restaurant stare at them. Jess got up and she jumped into his arms kissing him. The first thought that crossed his mind was _Rory. _

One Month Later

Rory walked into a restaurant. She was supposed to meet an author there to interview her about her new book. She sat down at a table and pulled out a book. She saw a group of people come into the restaurant. That's when she saw him. He was holding a girl around her waist and smirking. His eyes meet hers. She looked away pretending to have not seen him. There were about 7 people. They sat down at a table in front of her. He was staring directly at her now. Her phone started to ring.

"Hello,"

"Miss. Gilmore, This is Andrea Edwards, I was supposed to meet with you today,"

"Yes,"

"Well, I am so sorry but my kid is sick and I have to take her to the doctor, can we possibly meet another day,"

"Of course how does next Tuesday sound to you?"

"Perfect, thank you," She said hanging up. Rory sighed and called for the check. She saw that now the girl he was with was standing and making a speech. She listened closely.

"…And I love him more than anything, so thanks for coming to celebrate our engagement and all I can say is, let's eat," She giggled. Rory hated to admit it but the girl was pretty. She looked like a brunette version of Ashlee Simpson. Tears started to form in her eyes. She took out cash and set it on the table. Than she got up and ran right past Jess. Jess looked at her and sighed.

"Honey, I have to make a call okay," Jess said. Nikki nodded and went back to taking to her friends. Jess ran out after Rory who was now trying to hail a cab.

"Rory, wait," Jess screamed. She turned around.

_Do you miss me?_

_  
Am I still on your mind_

_  
Thought I made you happy baby  
_

_Then why was I left behind  
_

"Hey," She said in a monotone.

"Hi, you left so quickly at my house that day,"

_Symptoms of a love addict  
_

_My heart is sick  
_

_Symptoms of a love addict  
_

_I'm falling quick _

"Didn't want Ashlee Simpson to find me lying in your bed," She spat at him.

"Her name is Nikki," He said quietly.

"Whatever,"

_I'm so drunk in love with you  
_

_Drugs and candy will not do  
_

_You are poison on my tongue  
_

_Tasting you my lips are numb  
_

_All the drugs for love I take  
_

_Overdosed I lay awake  
_

_Trying to take back what I lost  
_

_To refund my love cost  
_

"You didn't say bye, when you left,"

"So,"

"What the hell is wrong with you Rory, every time I see you, you life is getting more fucked up," Jess screamed.

"Look, just leave me alone,"

_Do you tell her?  
_

_The same things you told me yesterday  
_

_Are you taking her  
_

_The same way you took me away  
_

"Rory, why didn't you divorce Logan sooner huh, why wait for months, why didn't you stop me or tell me you filled for divorce?" Jess asked.

"Oh and if I didn't you wouldn't be with Ashlee Simpson at this point,"

"Maybe not," He spat.

_Symptoms of a love addict  
_

_My heart is sick  
_

_Symptoms of a love addict  
_

_I'm falling quick  
_

Rory drew in a breath, "You know, I hope you've had your fun but I have a few questions for you."

"Shoot," Jess replied, trying to keep calm.

She sighed, and looked up into his dark brown eyes, and she began to shake. With one breath, she began rambling. "... Does she know who Bjork is? What do you two talk about anyways? Does she read at all? Is it a student-teacher thing?" Her voice began to rise, and grow with intensity, "Will you reread the Fountainhead over again for her, even though you hate it? Will she give the painful Ernest Hemingway another shot for you? Will you go to a town event, which you normally wouldn't go to, and bid ninety dollars on her picnic basket, full of stale, oddly concocted food? Will you buy her a pizza, and take her to a bookstore, and browse with her for hours? Does she even know where a bookstore is? Will you try to talk to her mother for her, even though she hates you? Will you clean out her rain gutters? When she comes home upset, can you read her face, and know that something is wrong ... will you tell her to 'talk?' Will you bring her a Shags CD, and notice that her hair is a little different? Will you jump in a sleigh to ride with her? Will you destroy her competition in the snowman building contest?" She took a deep breath, and dug in again, "Will you bring her a care package of food when her mother is out of town? Will you squirm when she confronts you about ... things? Will you comment to her about being bright-eyed and bushytailed? Will you switch the movies in Bambi and Dumbo cases at the movie store with X-rated movies, so her picture will end up off the display? Will you let her tutor you? Will you drive her car and take her to go get ice cream? Will you reassure her she'll achieve her dream of being a journalist, and promise she'll do it, and even offer to help her practice by driving straight at her and screaming in a foreign language? And when ... or if ... you swerve to miss hitting something furry, and total her car, will you make sure she's okay before you hightail it to the bridge? When you get sent back to New York or someplace since currently we are in New York, will you call her on a payphone, even though it's long distance? Will she skip school, and miss her mother's graduation so she can get on a train, to a place she's never been, just to see you, because you didn't say good-bye? And ... will you come home from New York ... the place you love, the place you call home ... and show up at her mother's best friend's wedding ... will she kiss you? Will she kiss you, even though she has a boyfriend, who she is supposed to love, because she is ... ecstatic to see you? Will you fix sprinklers for her and then mess them up again so her real boyfriend could fix them? Will you sit for 24 hours at a dance marathon just to try to get her to be your girl? Will you stop smoking because you are going out with her? Will you let her not kiss you in public just because she just got over her ex? Will you not fight her ex because you think she'll blame you? Will you go to a winter carnival with her? Will you agree to go to her grandparents house even if they hate you? Will you show up with a black eye? Would you buy tickets to a concert and take her? Will you agree to go to the prom with her even if you hate school dances? Would you go to a party and agree to stay there just for her? Will you leave her and then come back running up to her saying I love you and then run away? Will you ask her to run away with you? Would you have a relationship with her while she's married? Would you let her cut up your favorite vintage shirt? Finally, would she get divorced from the man she was supposed to be with to just be with you?"

Rory's eyes were filled with tears. She walked away from him leaving him stunned.

"Rory, wait,"

"Jess, I'm done waiting for you, I hope you are happy with her. I never did say congratulations

on your engagement," Rory sighed and looked up as it started raining. She turned around and saw him starting at her. He ran up to her and stared at her. The rain fell onto their faces. He kissed her lightly.

"You may love her Jess, but you're not in love with her like you are with me," She said kissing him passionately and then got into a cab.

_I'm so drunk in love with you  
_

_Drugs and candy will not do  
_

_You are poison on my tongue  
_

_Tasting you my lips are numb  
_

_All the drugs for love I take  
_

_Overdosed I lay awake  
_

_Trying to take back what I lost  
_

_To refund my love cost_

**A/N: Hope you like it, sorry I haven't updated in awhile….See now Jess is cheating on Nikki with Rory….I DON'T OWN GILMORE GIRLS OR CASSIE STEELE'S SONGS….REVIEW…I LOVE REVIEW….**


	6. Rock Your Bones

2 Months Later

She woke up and saw him laying next to her. She took in his smell. It was a mix of cigarettes, sex, and cologne. He stirred and opened his eyes.

"Hey," He smirked. She was wearing his shirt and boxers. He kissed her lightly on the lips.

"Coffee?" She pleaded between kisses. He got out of bed and went to the coffee maker.

"Is that the only reason you sleep with me?" He asked. She smiled.

"You know me to well," She wrapped her arms around him.

"Eggs?" He softly asked.

"No, Pancakes," She whispered into his ear.

"Where would you Gilmore girls be without Danes and Mariano?"

"Probably living off of horrible coffee and food," She smiled. He set pancakes in front of her. Her eyes lit up at the sight of food.

"I have to get home, Nikki's expecting me," He said. Rory stared at him.

"When are you going to end it?"

"Sometime soon, I promise,"

"You keep saying that," She pouted. She slowly poured syrup all over her pancakes.

"Don't give me that look. I know you look sexy my clothes but can I have them back please?" He asked. She went into the bathroom and came back out with them in his hands. His cell phone started to ring.

"Hello?" He answered

"Honey, I'm waiting for baggage claim, yeah my flight just landed, I'll be home soon okay?" He talked. Rory ate her pancakes slowly and kept on sneaking him glances. He hung up the phone and came over and kissed Rory on the lips lightly.

"I've got to go, I love you," He said to her. Rory nodded and kissed him passionately. She watched him leave.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Few Day Later

Rory was walking down the street to go meet her mom and go out to eat. She saw her mom standing outside a restaurant impatiently.

"Mom," She ran up and hugged her.

"Rory, offspring, let's go inside and eat okay," Lorelai said walking inside.

"Mom, how's Luke?" She skimmed the menu as her mom was rambling on about how Luke tried to feed her salad.

"…So then he only made that for dinner and wouldn't make anything else so I took five pop tarts and hid in your room and ate them, so hun how's work?" She rambled. Rory's head snapped up.

"It's going good, mom, can you order for me, I have to use the restroom," Rory grabbed her purse.

"Sure honey," Lorelai smiled. Rory walked into the bathroom. She went into the stall and slid onto the ground and cried. She didn't know what was wrong with her anymore.

"Calm down, I bet he's just caught up in work," A girl said walking into the restroom.

"Why the hell would he miss his rehearsal dinner," Another girl screamed.

"Maybe he forgot,"

"Forgot, are you fucking kidding me, we're getting married in a week, how could he forget?"

"Nikki, calm down okay, did you call his cell?"

"He isn't picking up," Nikki said. _Okay so Jess's fiancé's name is Nikki too. There are a lot of Nikki's out there, that couldn't be her. Rory thought._

"Leave a message,"

"What do I say, hey Jess how are you, where are you, you're supposed to be at our dinner rehearsal,"

"That sounds good,"

"Katie, I think he's seeing someone else," Nikki said. Rory chuckled.

"What? Oh of course not, he loves you," The girl said. Rory wiped her eyes and walked out of the stall. She washed her hands and saw the Ashlee Simpson wannabe stare at her.

"Do I know you?" Nikki asked Rory.

_She called and asked honey where could he be?_

_  
So sorry girl but your man is with me_

_  
She called and asked baby where is he?_

_  
So sorry girl but your man is with me_

"I don't know, I don't think so," Rory tried to sound convincing.

"Oh, damn it, what would you do if your fiancé missed your wedding rehearsal," Nikki asked her. Rory smiled, she could get Nikki to break up with Jess.

"I don't know," Rory wiped her hands. Nikki's phone rang.

_I rocked his bones_

_  
He rocked my bones_

_  
He was alone_

_  
So I rocked him_

"Finally Jess," Nikki answered.

"_Sorry honey, I'm stuck in traffic,_" Rory heard Jess say.

"Hey, Jess, remember what today is?"

"_Our anniversary?_" He asked. Rory chuckled.

"No, Jess, our dinner rehearsal," Nikki screamed into the phone and hung up.

_Oh if you didn't complain_

_  
There'd be nothing to ignore_

_  
Maybe if you weren't a pain_

_  
Just the wife and I'm his whore_

"God he probably is seeing someone else," Nikki sighed. Rory pretended to be adding make up.

"Why do you say that?" Nikki's friend asked.

_I rocked his bones _

_  
He rocked my bones_

_  
I was alone_

_  
So he rocked me_

"He comes home smelling like vanilla, and he keeps on reading this one book over and over again,"

"What book is it?"

_Maybe if I wasn't a tease_

_  
You'd still have a man_

_  
But he was so willing to please_

_  
The man with the magic hands_

"The Fountain something," Nikki said walking out of the bathroom.

_I rocked his bones_

_He rocked my bones  
_

_He was alone  
_

_so I rocked him  
_

Rory smiled and took out her cell to call Jess.

"Hey Dodger," Rory said seductively into the phone.

"Rory,"

"Look I need to talk to you," Rory said trying to retrieve all her courage.

"Okay so talk,"

"Choose, Nikki or Rory," Rory said.

"I…can't.. do that?"

"I think you just did," Rory hung up the phone. She held in her tears and kept on telling herself he's not worth it but the truth was, he was worth everything.

_She called and asked honey where could he be?_

_  
So sorry girl but your man is with me_

_  
She called and asked honey where is he?_

_  
So sorry girl but your man is with me_

**A/N: Okay so Rory is OOC but that's okay…..Will Jess marry Nikki or go back to Rory?...Review and I'll update… and you can find out….. I'll have one or maybe two more chapters till the fanfic is done.  
**


	7. How Much Is Happy For

She ran out of the bathroom, tears flowing down her face. Her mom got up. She threw a 40 $ on the table and ran out after Rory.

"Baby, what's the matter, I know I shouldn't bring this up, but you're sitting on the streets of New York, which might I add is very dirty," Lorelai put her arms around Rory.

"Mom, I'm a horrible a person,"

"No honey, you're not, why do you say so? Did you do something dirty?" Her mom asked.

_If I had any meaning in this ol big world_

_  
Can you tell a lost and lonely girl_

_  
If I was happy for a day I'd risk it all_

_  
That's why when I'm with I'm not afraid to fall_

"I slept with Jess,"

"Honey, that was awhile ago, plus you broke up with Logan afterwards,"

"No, he's getting married tomorrow and I've been with him,"

"Rory,"

"What?" She snapped.

"Maybe, honey, you and Jess were meant to be," Lorelai stated.

_And if you left me, and if you leave me_

_  
At least I'd have a cherish all the memories  
_

_  
I've been having trouble_

_  
With keeping up this smile_

_  
I've been having trouble_

_  
Hurting for quite a while_

_  
And I'm feeling stupid_

_  
Cause I did it to me_

_  
And I'm feeling desperate_

_  
From being unhappy_

"Mom are you even listening to yourself?"

"Honey, let's go back to Stars Hollow and deal with this," Lorelai pulled Rory up and got her into a cab. She told the cab driver to drive to Stars Hollow.

Rory woke up in her bed. She had a sticky note on her head.

_**Honey, I have to go meet my MOTHER for a DAR thing at the Inn. Be back in 2 hours. Don't worry about Jess, if he loves you, he'll come back.**_

She looked at the watch and realized that Jess would be getting married in an hour. She sighed and got up. She got ice cream and a spoon. She turned on the TV and basically wallowed.

_Why'd you leave me like this?_

_  
With scars across my heart and on my wrists_

_  
When I looked in your eyes_

_  
I didn't know happiness had a price_

Lorelai didn't know what she was doing; she was driving to New York. She pulled into a church where Rory told her Jess was getting married. She lied to Rory; she hardly ever lied to Rory. She was late because of traffic. She walked in and saw Luke standing beside Jess up at the front. She saw the bride walk up to him. The priest started to say something but Lorelai was trying to think how to stop this.

"Stop the wedding," She yelled. She had no idea what she was doing. Everyone stared at her.

_  
And you take advantage of a simple heartbreak_

_  
At least you had to love to know how to ache_

_  
But don't, hesitate to let your feelings be known_

_  
It's better to love and lose then just be alone_

"Lorelai," Luke spit out.

"Jess, don't do this, there is a girl, sitting in my house, crying all night because of you,"

"Lorelai," Jess said softly.

_And if they left you, and if they leave you_

_  
At least you know in their heart they will always keep you  
_

_  
I've been having trouble_

_  
With keeping up this smile  
_

_I've been having trouble  
_

_Hurting for quite a while  
_

_And I'm feeling stupid  
_

_Cause I did it to me  
_

_And I'm feeling desperate  
_

_From being unhappy_

"No, just hear me out, I've hated you all my life, telling myself you were no good for Rory, but I've realized you make her happy, and Luke happy, you make the two most important people in my life happy, so I should like you, and now I'm ranting,"

"Lorelai, what are you doing here?" Luke asked.

"Jess, you love Rory, you always have since the day you met her, and she loves you and if you knew that, you wouldn't be marrying, um this girl," She said. Everyone was staring at her all weird.

_Why'd you leave me like this?  
_

_With scars across my heart and on my wrists  
_

_When I looked in your eyes  
_

_I didn't know happiness had a price_

Rory was sitting on the couch, when the door opened. She didn't move her eyes from the television.

"Mom, I think that this wallowing is helping a little, anyways, I was wondering if you could get me some coffee from Luke's, and maybe some….." She turned around and saw Jess in a tux.

"Hey," She whispered.

"Hey,"

_I'm feeling broken  
_

_Scattered pieces on the ground  
_

_I'm feeling desperate now  
_

_can abandoned souls be found  
_

"You here for your honeymoon,"

"Oh, of course because I've always loved Stars Hollow," He smirked.

"So, is there a Mrs. Mariano yet?"

"No, not yet," He said. She kissed him softly.

"Hope I didn't walk into anything dirty," Lorelai said opening the door with a hand over her eyes.

"Hey mom," Rory smiled.

"So Jess the punk is back,"

"Hey what happened to all that stuff you said at the wedding?" He asked.

"Huh, I must be checked to see if I am bipolar," Lorelai said walking up the stairs.

_  
I've been having trouble  
_

_With keeping up this smile  
_

_I've been having trouble  
_

_Hurting for quite a while  
_

_And I'm feeling stupid  
_

_Cause I did it to me  
_

_And I'm feeling desperate  
_

_From being unhappy  
_

"Bridge?" Rory asks.

"Yeah," He takes her hand and leads her out of the house. Rory looks behind her and sees Lorelai wink and her. She smiles, she'll probably never be completely happy and perfect but this was good enough. When she looked into his eyes, she realized that unlike Logan, happiness was free.

_Why'd you leave me like this?_

_  
With scars across my heart and on my wrists_

_  
When I looked in your eyes_

_  
I didn't know happiness had a price_

_**The End**_

**A/N: I'm pretty much done maybe I'll add an epilogue, I doubt it, so review please. All songs belong to Cassie Steele. This last song was kind of weird. I had to put it in because it is the title of the fanfiction…so I didn't know how to end it so it took me awhile…..Reviews are my Oxygen…**


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